well i think the relationship between me and aquarius is over or we are taking a break from eachother... im tired of him and i dont care if hes tired of me..

i deserve to get treated better then what i have been receiving.. he cane over the other night and just because he didnt get his way he decided to call him friend in front of me and talk bad about me to my face to someone else!!!

i am so tired of dealing with problems so im just taking a break and hopefully i will find someone who will treat me better then what i have been receiving! its going to take some getting used to because i love him

so everything will turn out okay hopefully

well everything is doing okay.. im still doing really good in school which is most important but now one of my close friends has joined the navy and i am very concerned that something might go wrong and if something does i dont know what i will do...

me and aquarius we are living i guess. it kinda sucks when you care for somebody so much but they dont feel the same way about you!! thats what i am feeling right now i mean i love him with all my heart and soul but yet i dont think he feels the same way,, i could spend everyday of every minute with him but he couldnt do that.. i want someone to feel the same way about me one day soon!! maybe i just always put my heart into every relationship that i get involved into and i need to work on that, when i do i always end up the one to get hurt.

besides that most things are good im just ready to go on to that next stage in my life...

hey....

i know its been awhile since i have been on here but i have had alot of stuff going on lately...

im doing great in school!! im on honor roll this year.. even though all is good in school, me and aqurius have broken up and have currently gone back to the title of "friends"  i am not taking it to well...  i thought that i would be able to handle but obviously not. you never miss a good thing until its gone!! that really applies to me now. i miss what we had and i want that back but i know that he doesnt and no matter how hard i try to get over it.. it will always be there. that why i didnt want to get involved serioulsy with him anyway i knew this would happen. now my emotions are al involved in this! this is what i think about 24/7. just the thought of him with someone else breaks my heart  i cant do this.. when i talk to him on the phone he sounds like a entirely new person, i dont understand he said  that nothing would really change. he lied!!!! i dont know what i am suppose to do he was my everything even though i may not always have shown him that but i cant be okay with him by my side! 

i am trying to find someone new to talk to but that is not going to well....

i guess this is just a stage im going through i hope i can make it through this...

i know i havent been on here in a long time but everything has been goin on lately!! im a senior in highschool so im glad this is my last year with that! im trying to focus and get my grades up so i can get out of here and on to college. i guess im going through that stage with my parents were we dont get along with eachother because i want my way and they want theirs.. so well see how that goes.

me and aquarius are doing great we have been spending alot of time togethrer and i love being with him. when im having a bad day he seems to always make things go so much better. i think that i am actually really starting to like him. maybe even have that REAL love.. i used to say it all the time not know what it meant but now i know how it feels and that is how i feel about him all the time.  so we will see how that goes.. im wondering if he feels the same way!

well ill try to write more often and my prayers go out to everyone who has been affected by the hurricane!!

well i just got back from CAlI!!!! i had a great time i did alot of shopping and sight seeing.

plus me and my family got to be on the red carpet during the ESPY awards so i get to see alot of famous people up close..

but everything is going good with me and aquarius... for a minute anyways....

we start back to school in two weeks which is very say but good because it is my last year then i am off to college (freedom at last)

i dont really have much to say so well see how the rest of my week goes...

i am up really early this morning and i cant figure out why..

i cant really sleep because i have alot going on in my mind about me and aquarius!!

he came over last night and he stayed for along time... the longer he stayed the more i started to have stronger feelings for him! plus i think he knows how i feel about him now, i dont think that i can just come out and tell him everything at one time. i dont have the heart to do that because if i do then he hurts me i dont know what i would do.

so im going to think about it while im on the plane on my way to california on friday.. then maybe when i get back i will finally be able to tell him everything. i know that i am going to be thinking about him the whole time while im gone.

so well see what will happen when i get back from CALI!

today has just been a normal day for me.. i went to church this morning and then me and my family went out to eat!

fourth of july is tommorow so alot of people in my neighborhood are going to do there fireworks tonight.. so this year we didnt have to buy any firewoeks. some of my family members are going to come over and we will sit outside and enjoy everyone else do the fireworks.

Aquarius is just being his self... i wanted him to comeover today but i dont think that is going to happen?!? even though i really want him to come over but i dont always got what i want when it involves someone else. eventially i plan on telling him how i feel about him, but the only problem with that is that i dont know how he is going to react. what i want to say to him is just honestly the truth..

i would say something like this....

Aquarius we have been through so many things in the past couple of years that i have known you. ever since the first time i met you i knew that i would fall in love with you. sometimes the things you say or the actions you do make me very upset  but it is so hard for me to stay mad at you for anything. i have some much love for you i would do anything for you. i wont let anything or anyone come between us. i trust you and i feel like i can talk to you about anything, you are my inspiration to do things i thought i could never do in my life. we are so close as friends and im scared that if we cross that border line that things will never be the same again. Even though you have hurt me mentally a few times i can not hold that agaisnt you. regardless of what my family says i think that we will always be close...

This is my first time on here today i heard about it through a family member!!!

as you can read in the title of this entry i am trying to decide a boy i have like for almost four years is my destiny.

i remember when we first met, it was kind of weird because i met him through a friend of mine at which that time i did kind of like him but them he introduced me to his friend aquarius.

ever since that day we have got alot more closer even through all the up's and down's he has always been there for me. my freshmen year of highschool is when we were together for the first time, i guess you could call that a real relationship because we never really saw eachother and when we did alot of other people were always around. Then we broke up and lost track of eachother for about a year then i called him on his birthday and ever since then we have been really close. he is one of those people who you can tell anything too, he has always been my soulder to cry on when something is wrong. Starting my junior year of highschool is when we got back together for the second time and that is when i thought maybe i really do have strong feelings for him. i would think about him everyday and everynight.. he is all i would talk to about with my friends. we talked everyday on the phone but i never really expressed to him how i felt which really was that i think that he was the one or me. even though i may be young i think that i am really in love with him. that is hard for me to admit because i have always been the one to have alot of male friends or not being able to commit to one person i feel like i can do that with him.

The only problem with this is that im not sure is Aquarius feels the same way about me... he may say that he does but in the back of my mind i feel like he is just going through the motions of saying it to make me happy.

but im just going to have to wait and see how it turns out